Random drabble like things
by Only-Slightly-Insane
Summary: My first attempt at a fanfic. It's mostly just a bunch of random stuff. Rated just in case. Chapter 3 Roy and a camel
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing.

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WRATH

Once upon a time Wrath got a pony for Christmas, Envy was jealous of Wraths pony so he took it into the back yard and tried to kill it, he ended up with a pony sitting on his head. Greed took a picture and posted it on the Internet. This made Envy mad. Very mad. So mad he almost took Wraths name, yeah, that mad.

GREED

Once upon a time Greed was happy, partially because he got a chainsaw for Christmas, and partially because Envy was so mad. Why? That's just the way it was.

LUST

Once upon a time Lust got a sweater for Christmas, and many fanboys were very sad that year. Lust on the other hand thought it was a nice sweater, and she wore it often, this made the fanboys want to kill whoever it was that had given her that sweater.

SLOTH

Once upon a time Sloth loved pie. She loved to swim in it, but most of the time she just ate the pie and was content. Sloth also loved to Spam people, she thought it was funny to watch them squirm under the pressure of a chain letter.

PRIDE

Once upon a time Pride thought his son was a little girly, so on Christmas he took the boy outside and threw footballs at him. This made his wife scared so she called the military. Pride was in command of the military so all the random (HOT) military guys just stared then went for a coffee break.

ENVY

Once upon a time Some idiot sent Envy a flame-thrower on Christmas. Envy tried to kill a certain pony with it; this ended in the pony sitting on Envy's head, Greed laughing like crazy, and Gluttony eating a flame-thrower.

GLUTTONY

Once upon a time, On Christmas Gluttony did only two things he sent Lust a sweater and had some flame-thrower cakes with his best friend forever, Scar.

THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Once upon a time there were seven deadly sins, most of whom had a happy Christmas, others of whom had pony poo on their heads.

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The next chapter involves Envy's revenge.


	2. Revenge

I own nothing

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ENVY

Once upon a time Envy wanted revenge, mostly on the pony who had caused all his problems, but partially on Greed and Lust.

Greed because he publicized the pony incident, and Lust because the sweater was bright and happy, and made him feel sick. He also wanted revenge on Wrath, but that was for another reason entirely, that was because of the snakeskin pants incident.

Greed had also been involved in the snakeskin pants incident, as well as Roy and Hughes. But they didn't like to talk about it.

But at the moment Envy was focused on killing that pony. He was only a _little_ sidetracked by Lust's happy sweater. So Envy pulled out his sword, which he had named "Barbie", and ran after Wrath's pony. After running for three hours Envy realized he wasn't getting anywhere. So he stopped.

And he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until the fairly stupid pony walked over to him, and that was the end of that. Almost. He still had to deal with Greed and Lust.

LUST

Lust loved her pretty pink and orange sweater. So much in fact that she vowed never to take it off! Unless she was in the shower, that was an exception that had to be made for her health. But then again she reasoned, she couldn't actually die...

So she wore the sweater non-stop for three years (that's three years without her showering) until Sloth told her exactly what she smelt like. After Lust had finished throwing up, she went to take a shower.

That night was the first, last, and only night Envy volunteered to do the laundry.

"Be careful with my sweater!" Lust yelled as Envy went to wash it. There was the sound of evil laughter, and then the horrible sound of a paper shredder with clothing in it. Lust started to cry and Envy began to laugh again.

GREED

Greed hated Envy, and that was OK because Envy hated him back. And as long as they both remembered that all was right with the world. Occasionally one (or both) of them would forget about the mutual hatred and they would have weird days.

Other times they would remember how much they hated each other and exactly why they hated each other, and they would do ... strange un-natural things. Or at least that's how Sloth explained it to Wrath.

Her exact words had been: "When two people hate each other like Greed and Envy, they find it necessary to express this anger in strange and un-natural ways. Not that it's normally un-natural, but with Greed and Envy nothing is normal."

And with that Sloth had quickly changed the subject.

Envy didn't really have a plan for making Greed suffer, and to be honest, he didn't really need one. All he had to do was wait. Like with the pony. Envy didn't have to wait long, partially because Greed was predictable, but mostly because Envy had been calling for him for the past twenty minutes.

As Greed walked into the room Envy simply tripped him and walked out proudly. Leaving Greed lying on the ground, wondering why Envy had decided to walk out instead of gloating. The truth was Envy had won that time, and nothing more needed to be said.

WRATH

Wrath wasn't quite sure what Sloth had meant by un-natural things, but he did know it involved peanut butter. _Lots _of peanut butter. And so Wrath decided that Greed and Envy had found a way to turn peanut butter evil, or at least "un-natural".

It made him mad that they used up all the peanut butter in the house at least once every two months. And so now it was Wrath's turn to begin to plot revenge.

PRIDE

The one thing Pride loved more than watermelon was pineapples, and the only thing he loved more than _that_ was being in charge. Mostly he enjoyed being in charge of the military, and all the random people who had chosen to (or had been forced or tricked into) working there.

So one day he decided to combine his three true loves.

He handed out pineapples and watermelons to everyone he ran into.

"What the hell!" Roy yelled.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" He got nothing but blank stares from everyone else in the room. Roy sighed, and handed his watermelon to Havoc, who was holding a pineapple.

"What makes you think _I_ want this?" Havoc asked the colonel.

Roy just stared at him and said, "If you don't take it your fired."

Havoc sighed and began to make fruit salad.

SLOTH

Sloth was not in a good mood the day pride handed out fruit. She had spent her weekend in several not-so-nice places. First Lust had tricked her into turning into water, within a matter of minutes she found herself in the freezer, with fruit flavoring dumped onto her.

Then Lust sold her for $3.50 as a really big Popsicle. Sloth had spent the rest of the weekend contemplating the meaning of the phrase 'Crack is Wack'. While she explored the human digestive system. She also explored the sewage system.

Sloth was really pissed so she joined up with Wrath in his random revenge thing he was plotting against everyone.

GLUTTONY

Gluttony and Scar teamed up and stole Havoc's fruit salad, and all of Prides fruit, and there was much rejoicing, yay.

THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS

None of them can dance, it's actually kind of funny, in a pathetic way.


	3. Roy and the camel

I own Nothing

There was a camel in his room.

Roy blinked twice and pinched himself, the camel was still there and his arm hurt where he had pinched it.

The camel turned to look at him. And Roy screamed, and snapped, but because he didn't wear his gloves to bed nothing happened.

The camel started to walk over to him, Roy Mustang just sat there petrified. He had faced Homunculi, State Alchemist killers and had been to war, but for some reason the camel paralyzed him with fright.

Roy screamed one last time and ran out of his bedroom. In fact he ran out of the house and didn't stop running until he got to Hawkeye's house, which was pretty far away.

"Hawkeye… camel… huge camel… help…" He gasped when he reached her house. Hawkeye looked at her superior officer and resisted the urge to tell him that the camel was right behind him (it wasn't but she knew it would scare the shit out of him even more.)

Instead she just looked at him and, forcing back a smile, she asked

" Where it this camel sir?"

"In my bedroom" Roy cried remembering the animal's eyes and how they had glared at him.

And so Roy (who was still in his pajamas) and Riza went back to Roy's house to confront the camel. When they got there Roy ducked behind Hawkeye and pushed her in first. When they got to Roy's bedroom there was no camel, not even the slightest trace, no smell, no droppings, no ruined furniture, nothing.

Hawkeye glared at him and walked out fuming, Roy just stood there wondering where the camel had gone.

Else where Edward was paying a farmer for the camel he had rented, it had been expensive but worth it. Next time Roy called him short, there would be two camels and a llama waiting for him.


End file.
